Hello everyone,

I'm writing this because I would like some answers to what I am going through and to know if anyone else has gone through the same (which is sad ).

In January 2014 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder because of attempted suicide, I landed in a mental health ward for three days. My psychiatrist put me on Alprazolam 0.25 mg and Escitalopram 10mg daily.

My medicine ended in March and I started taking them again after a small withdrawal (Escitalopram after 3 days and Alprazolam after six days). And since continuing them again I've going through some very strange stuff.

The night before last night (29 March) I took Alprazolam again I felt I was being watched, I didn't see anything but I was sure it was there. I was on the sofa using my laptop that out of nowhere terror took me over that someone is behind me. There was no one. But I felt a dark shadow there. I felt it in every corner of the room, a dark shadow and I was scared to the point I couldn't move. I called my partner and cried my heart out. This ended after an hour or so. There was absolutely no one, I didn't see anyone but I also kept my eyes shut. I was scared if I opened them the shadow would attack me.

Then last night I started feeling anxious that I am a very bad person and have done horrible things and I should be punished. I called my partner again and then I lost it. I started crying again and screamed. This has happened to me before too where I just lose it, cry, scream, feel out of breath and anxious but last night it was so severe I couldn't stop. I kept screaming (and not in my pillow) till everyone in the house was awake. I punched the furniture, my hands felt numb (now my knuckle in blue), I kept kicking and stretching, I felt my body out control, my heart was so loud I thought people in the room could hear it and I couldn't breath. I was breathing but I felt I was choking. I was so sure I would die. I just couldn't breathe but I was and then it was over all of a sudden just like it started.

I will see a doctor soon but it would be great to know if any of you guys have any idea about it. I've had episodes before where I get anxious, cry and scream in my pillow and cut myself but never this severe. I do self harm too.

I'm sorry for the long post. But any help is appreciated. Thank you guys