Basically this all started around early December of this year. My girlfriend came to Canada to visit me for the first time. We are in a long distance relationship and she lives in Australia. We first met online and at the time I was going through a depressive period in my life unsure of my choice for College, upset that I didn't have any close friends, scared to talk to people for a fear of being rejected. So when we started officially dating, I fell hard for her and I was filled with a joy for life again. Even though I still had a year to go with College, I started meeting friends and even enjoyed my time there. I worked part-time at a retail store and didn't even mind going in every day. It's like I really had a drive and love for life in all aspects even the small things like enjoying nature. And I was accepting of everyone (even those I felt were rude to me) and understanding.

When she came to visit me I was overjoyed and meeting her for the first time was amazing. But then it's almost as if reality started to hit me hard. I always had this in the back of my head but I sort of put it off see my parents are the type of parents that judge HARSHLY and over react especially in cases like this. Meaning if she was a different race, skin colour, too overweight etc. there would be a problem. I still live with my parents I'm 22 years old now so facing them in this was inevitable. And of course the first time I brought her home and my father saw her he said extremely rude things about her weight and looks (in Bosnian so she didn't understand but I did). It hurt me so much I cried later on that day... the following day after that was a huge mess both my father and mother went off on me yelling, screaming, crying it even got so bad to the point that they were calling me names, saying I was stupid, blind. My mom cried day and night. I didn't want to hurt her anymore so I almost broke up with her that day because I knew that my parents would never change. I felt so hurt, defeated and by the end of the day I couldn't take the pain anymore and I went and got her flowers and we made up and I explained to her the situation.

A couple days later, my mom does a 180 and says she "just wants me to be happy". The thing is, the initial response already messed me up so much mentally I couldn't. I was on the verge of breaking down each time I went out I had to almost sneak out, there were always comments about her weight... and I felt threatened. When I was physically with her though I was happy but away from her I got into a major depression again nearly crying every day. The relationship from there was up and down and I was unable to fully commit due to fear. When my parents and sister again saw how unhappy I was they concluded it wasn't working and did ANOTHER 180 and turned against it again. Name calling began again, insults towards me and her, accusations and through all this I was torn apart and pushed down so far my self confidence and self esteem went into the gutter.

Now she has been back home a month, we still talk we are still together however I have major anxiety towards socializing because of this, I am just depressed on a daily basis and I'm getting to the point where I'm breaking down even physically I've lost weight and I feel weak. To top that all off I still live her with everyone and every time I do ignore my dad goes "well what did we ever do to you?" when he FULLY knows what he did. I've fought, I've argued which I never did before for anything and their opinion won't change I know that.

At this point they have said "just do what you want". But I'm just damaged so much mentally I can't even begin to improve my own life let alone the relationship too. My self esteem is literally down the drain I'm just... lost. It's like everything I once knew and loved I'm starting to doubt now hell I'm even having a hard time with sympathy and love towards others. I'm always on the defence. I know no one can tell me what to do I don't know what I expect with this post I'm just so frustrated.