Over 12 years back during a court case with one of my abusers I was sent to probably half a dozen or so different individuals for my mental state. That was when I was told I had PTSD and social anxiety, and I worked with them a bit but never really clicked with any of them. I wound up stopping going after making no progress and getting derailed from my career path due to some disastrous art therapy

I did experience a fair amount of abuse growing up (from multiple individuals) which goes back to my earliest memories, but even at the age of 5 or 6 my parents were confused by how I could just drop people and forget about them. I have a mistrust of people, but even with pets which should be 'safe' to feel love for, even then I can't connect. Like some people live for their pets... they're really close. For me though, I like them yet if taking care of them became a hassle I could easily give them away or have them put down. It's as though I can't form those emotional bonds that are supposed to develop alongside the recognition.

Last year I had asked my doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist, but I'm still waiting for one to become available. Honestly though I'm worried about going there again because of what's been happening at the border lately. People have been getting turned away at the border due to past mental health issues, like having been hospitalized for depression...