I hate to say this, but your family sounds superficial, to judge her when they haven't taken the time to get to know her. I am so sorry for you that you are caught in the middle.

I think you need the help of a therapist to work through these emotions and what you want to do. You will see others' responses, but none of us can really guide you appropriately. There are dynamics that you need to deal with.

You have to decide if you are going to allow your family to control your life when it comes to relationships. I find it amazing that you are able to look within a person and see the good while you have probably only seen your parents superficiality. Kudos to you!!!

When we rely on others' opinions for anything we are being codependent. Codependency is a relationship where a person is controlled or manipulated by another's needs or thoughts. It involves placing a lower priority on your own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. It's typically characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.

As I mentioned earlier, you need a therapist to work through these issues.

I wish you all the love and happiness your life deserves.