Dear T,

Hate to say this and definitely won't say it in session BUT do you know what's going on between us? Like really? Sometimes I seem to believe you know all of what's going on. And then there are the times I think maybe not so much.....like some of the things you say.....yes, I will give an example lol. Like when you tried to tell me that my different ways of being or distinctness that I was trying so desperately to explain to you with such difficulty in verbalizing it all - when you said they are both me....well yeah. I know but I don't know.....and I have plenty of other examples that I'm sure would escape me once I get in your presence. I mean, I'm really not trying to be a *****, T!

When I told you I need you to believe me, I didn't know exactly where that was coming from or what I needed you to believe. It was just a desperate part of me crying out for it....but I'm starting to think it may be related less to the content and more to my experience....well at least first, at least right now. Our process. I need you to believe in that stuff. This crap. The **** that makes NO sense! That I'm not being ridiculous. Cause T? This is it. This is what I've been suffering with all these years. I've basically laid it all out there, bare and completely exposed, in front of you even though I did NOT want to do so. I couldn't help it. It's all that unconscious **** that squirts out despite my best intentions to hide it all away.

If you can believe in it - and I keep coming back to you because I'm almost sure you do - well, then what's next? I can't really imagine because nobody has ever believed in my experience before.