I hope you gather the strength to go see a doctor. It sounds like you are getting to the point where you could get really sick. Maybe building a trusting relationship with a therapist will help you. Is there an ED clinic near you? I finally agreed to partial hosp treatment, mostly because I want to see and talk to other people like me. I think that might be the only thing that will help, because nobody seems to understand how I feel. Keep us all posted on how you are doing.