I suppose I should just suck it up and move on but some days are much harder than others. The constant stream of unanswered questions in my mind definitely isn't helping. Why me? What did I do or not do to deserve this? Is this in preparation for something or some greater purpose? What is the point of all this suffering? What happens next? Should I just give up? Would everyone be better off? Why can't I have one pain free day? It has been well over 10+ years since I had a day or even a minute without pain and I can no longer remember what no pain feels like. My life now just consists of varying degrees in intensity but it's always there, day in and day out never ending and progressively getting worse over time. I suppose I will never know until that day when I do decide it is no longer bearable and I stop fighting and just let the water take me under.