I really want to talk to you, I feel like I am running away from the emotions bubbling beneath the surface, just waiting to "fall apart". But I know I need to cope on my own, I need to be able stand on my own two feet, use my real world coping strategies and limited support.

It's just, I really don't want to(even though I am), what I really want is to talk to you and have you help me. I am fed up, totally fed up, with my past continuing to affect me now. And fed up of the lingering sensations.

Can't you please just 'know' somehow T, and magically call me to check in? I know you never have done that in over a year, but can't you now?? Ugh....this is not a good feeling.