Welcome Nelleus, Your story made me weep. I have lost more than a dozen of friends, family and patients to this dreaded disease. Marshall at the end was probably trying to keep things together in his mind. The fear of death is different for everyone. I am sure now he looks over you as well as the children. With greater understanding of what you have been through. If you ever want to talk more about Marshall. please pm me..... my name is Lilith/Altheia