I need to post about my last session and my T. I feel inhibited about posting on another forum that I frequent because my T is also a member of that forum and it just makes things a little ackward at times (okay I will save that post for another time).

I have been completely shut down from everyone in my life since last weekend and really haven't made it through much of my work days this week. I haven't spoken much unless I am spoken to. I just don't have the energy or the desire to speak because I don't care. I was suppose to have therapy twice this week but my appt. on Monday was cancelled but I did see him last night. He apologized and we talked about how I was angry because he cancelled for a really stupid reason (he got tied up with something else) and he understood and said it was okay to be angry at him as he was angry at himself. Anyway, it didn't help matters that I was already shut down with everyone else and it just continued with him. Sometimes I have been shut down in the world but never with him. He is the one person that I don't normally shut down with...except yesterday. Everytime he asked me a question yesterday I shrugged my shoulders said whatever and okay or I don't know and that is exactly how I felt. I still feel the same way today. I just don't care. He discloses a lot to me and told me late last week that he had a medical scare but that it turned out to be nothing and I thought that maybe this has something to do with it. Maybe I am freaked out by this and am shutting down because I don't want to get close to him in case something does happen to him and I am left abandoned again. I know stupid thinking but it has happened before where my previous T of 8 years just up and left with no warning or notice. If I shut down now then I won't get hurt. I don't know, so many thoughts yet part of me doesn't care, or do I??

Sorry for the long rambling post and if you have made it this far....thank you