Quote:
Originally Posted by Mickey4333
Quote from Hbomb: "I have to get to work on Monday finding a way to get my meds right and get into intensive therapy. I realize that my strategies in life are part of my problem but I feel like a lazy person that doesn't really want to change. How do you alter that my friends?? Is it truth or just the black depression whispering?"
Hbomb, I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad. I have lived for >30 years going up and down and my episodes keep getting worse. I know that the stresses of my job and attempts of socializing make things worse. I have been on SSDI, unemployed, and anti-social now for 8 months, after a severe mixed episode and depression. Now my mood is fairly stable and now "I feel like a lazy person that doesn't really want to change". I feel worthless. I also ask: "how do you alter that"?
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Well I remember before I started by going out and getting a job. Once I felt I could work. Working gives me something to do with myself. I have two kids, so they are motivation too. I can't just be nothing. I have to be something for them. But I fear what you just said. It's been going on for me, the cycling for 6 years now. I was relatively stable for about 3 years, but now I'm dark and deep in it again. I just want to be normal. When I get like this I feel that it's not worth the pain that I know is going to return, even after I get out of this one. It's hard. I don't have the answers.