Sunshine, I guess sometimes its just like what you describe. I have times when I shut down, where I turn good stuff like chatting to others into something negative, where I feel all alone with my suffering, where I feel if I punish myself enought, nothing bad will happen.

At the end of the day we cannot control others, we can't hold them right there, even if we turn in on ourselfs. We just have to keep going forward, opening ourselfs to others in life and that way when people do come and go, as people do, we have a net work on others to be there for us.

We are never alone now as adults now not like when we were vunrable children. We actually get choices now, maybe not always the choice we would want but we do have a say in our lifes.

I;m not sure if T disclosing medical problems is a good thing or not? But I guess it just is, his revealed it now and there is no taking it back!

Your post wasn't rambling by the way, I relate to 100%