Just saw this message. So sorry for this loss in your relationship. I don't blame you for having trust issues, I would too. Of course it hurts.
Honey, I know this relationship was important to you. But he should not BE your life. He was a part of your life.
Right now your emotions are so messed up. Don't try to make any big decisions while you are upset.
You are in a lot of pain. Take really good care of yourself during this difficult time.