I didn't see this post until now that I decided to revisit my thread. Thank you for sharing again. I don't think any professional T would touch a client without asking. At least I hope not. My T always asks first. I understand how hard SE can be!

Yes, I'm confused and that's why I sent her an email all about my feelings. She doesn't answer emails, so she can't ask me where in my body I feel my confusion, either! I told her I was scared of her enthusiam, and asked how can I trust that she won't change her mind again. I feel somewhat reassured because she has always allowed hugs. I also remember what she told me after holding my hand in the beginning when I said I didn't know why it felt so good and so safe. She said "if that's what that part needs to heal, then that's what we'll do." She "took it away" because she was going through something in her own life, and I think I know what it was. I wish she had told me that, but she didn't at the time. Now she says her nervous system is more settled, so she can be there for me in the way that I need, regarding holding her hand.

Of course her workshop reinforced that, so I probably shouldn't be so upset and confused. I have another week before I see her again, and I feel better about it. I still have some feelings, though. She kind of "spoiled" the good feeling a little because of analyzing it and asking those "where do you feel it" questions. I keep picturing her next to me, looking intently at me and me being self-conscious. It reminded me of EMDR when she had to look at me very closely to gauge when to stop the buzzers. I want her close to me but at the same time I'm afraid. I also lost some of the connection, or at least it felt that way, because she seemed more like a doctor to me. It was kind of weird. I'll have to wait and see how it goes next week.