Hmm... Strangely enough, when I take the time to put on my "happy costume", the tons of makeup, the flat ironed hair, the carefully selected clothing and accessories, no one thinks I'm depressed. I get compliments sometimes, and it's nice. But it's hard to actually get up and do that, and I still am going to come home to nothing, just to wash it all off and crawl into bed again. Now when I open my mouth to speak... That's a whole other issue. It's like when I speak I give off an instant vibe of being weak and malleable and sad. That sort of personality does not do well in a work environment. Now, I have a pretty dicey CV with two wiiiide gaps that I can't explain away. So I guess that the damage is done. That's why I'm asking how it is possible to fake it and be functional. Maybe, if I can just be normal and land a job, I can start to pull other things into place. I don't know if that's possible, and maybe even with employment I'll still feel this way. I just don't know anymore. I'm going to the US this week so I'll have to figure it out fast.