Before I give in to my urge, I thought I'd see what you guys suggest. This has been a hard week, emotionally, due to the way T reinstated touching into my session. I already emailed her once about that. The previous 2 weeks I didn't email her at all; I felt satisfied and secure with the connection we had.

I still feel the connection, but it feels a little spoiled because of her clinical approach. I think I will get used to it, but right now it bothers me. I see her next week and then not for 3 weeks because I'll be away. The problem is that there is a lot I want to tell her and there's never time in the sessions anymore.

I also am thinking about her divorce again. I slipped back and googled her, just the page with her website and listings. I know she added her maiden name to her business cards and name on the door, but now I saw it on these sites. I wonder, if I hadn't guessed, and I saw the name addition, I would have asked her about it. Then I would have been more angry that she didn't tell me.

So, I think this is transference about my feeling left out, something we've discussed a lot in my therapy. I know it's not about her. She's willing to talk about my feelings about her divorce more, but with the SE last time we didn't have time. We could do SE about it if I write it down so I won't forget.

I feel so sad when I see the other name there! In addition to feeling left out, it's my feeling that nothing was supposed to change! I don't like changes! I
"fit" (I know it's transference and fantasy) into my T's family but now that's gone. He's gone. It tears me apart somehow.

I don't know if it's a good idea to try to control my urge to email or not. I also want to tell her about some good things that happened this week. She'll be glad to hear about them. I liked the feeling of not needing to email her. Suppressing that urge doesn't seem helpful to me. I don't "want to want it". That's the goal.

So, could I have some feedback, please? Not about the touching. I have to work that out with my T, maybe have her slow down and just go back to simply holding my hand and taking it away slowly, one finger at a time, like we did during the session. I think I was overwhelmed with it all, as changes always bother me, including the change of seasons! Thanks!

Just want to add, in case anyone new is reading, that my T doesn't answer my emails. When I email, it's just to "get it out" and I feel better knowing she knows what I'm feeling.