Again, I am so sorry for all the threads. I feel very exposed or threatened, or something, and have nowhere else to really go, because the kinds of things I need to say or ask are things I'm not sure I want friends or my brother knowing about.

I made a comment on my thread a few days ago about my therapist talking about her breasts, and the surprise that generated made a point to me. I think it has put me in hyper-aware mode, because other instances are occurring to me and now I don't know if they were non-events like I thought at the time. I am feeling paranoid now my therapist predicted my erotic transference and knew about it before I did.

Does your T bring up sex if you don't, or ask if you have sexual feelings in the moment?

I'm thinking of a couple of times I was talking about something difficult and she asked if I was having sexual feelings, in a sort of 'I know it's ridiculous' way, and I was like because I was not at all. And when out of the blue once or twice, when she was trying to make an example of something, she used having sex as the example, and on one of these times she made a guess at the pet name I might like to be called by a lover - on that occasion, I knew cognitively I was embarrassed. But I used to be so frozen in those days, I didn't feel it and was fine. And once - and this is probably the one that I find most bizarre - when I was telling her something painful, I can't even remember now, but when I was telling her about the pain of the rough session - she said casually, well I have never waxed my vagina but I imagine the pain you're feeling is the emotional equivalent. And again I was like, where did that come from

Wft is all this?? Is it hinting that she knows about the transference that has only made itself conscious in me, is it her trying to let me know it's no big deal? I'm even more uneasy now if she has had a good idea for months that this would happen. Like I was earmarked as a cliché.

It doesn't feel like nothing though I have a session in the morning and I am dreading it right now.