Melissa, I am not trying to open up old wounds and I have the deepest respect for how much you've changed. But I've been around long enough so that I remember how out of control you were with self harm, and how p-doc made it clear under what conditions he was willing to continue to see you, and you refused to agree to those conditions.

I think it would help you to let go if you could see it from his perspective. Just because you've changed, it doesn't mean you are entitled to have someone respond to you. Especially when he believes that he closed his professional obligation to you through the termination process. Can you see how and why he would not want to respond, and why he wouldn't want to re-open a relationship with you?