Thank you all so much!! To address some of the things mentioned above - I have asked him what it is he needs from me and it is impossible to get a straight answer. He basically tells me that he wants the house more neat and orderly - I work full time and deal with the kids most often, and I do laundry, take out the trash, cook dinner, do the dishes, mop the floors, etc. Is our house perfect? NO WAY! But our kids are happy and cared for. That is more my priority. I do more of the housework than I would choose to because he wants it done. I do it to please him, but he tells me that is wrong. That I should not think of the housework as something that pleases him, but rather I should consider it just what needs to get done. I am not inherently neat and orderly. I never have been. I am ok with that part of myself and I never pretended to be something I am not, although I will admit it was easier for me to keep the house up when i didn't have kids! If what he needs from me is for me to change who I am and what I value, I just can't do that. But I am still trying to do what I can. I know he can see my effort.

I do worry that this counselor is too sympathetic towards me. I am not sure if this is true or just my perception of it. He believes that it is ALL me who has to change, so when she presses him for answers or to open up, he gets more defensive. She doesn't press me because I volunteer information. I am also afraid to change counselors though because I don't know if I can get him to go to another one. The fact that he is even showing up to this one is a miracle. I have asked him if he likes this counselor, and he said she's fine. I am still hopeful, but realistic. Thank you again for all of your thoughts!!!