Quote:
Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere
In response to Amelia's 1st post...
I did not set out to prove anything.
I terminated therapy 8 October 2013. I was in intensive therapy for 18 months. Average sessions: 2 1/2 hours, 3-5 days/week.
We discussed becoming friends at the end of therapy. This was our 5th outing since terminating. (Places - concerts, award ceremony for me, lunch, etc.) We speak on the phone ~ 9 days. I usually call her, but she has called me 1/3 of the time. When she calls we tend to speak much longer.
At least 8 of my friends have met her. Two now see her for family therapy. They are aware of our friendship.
I have been at her house. I have met her family. I meet all my friends at restaurants, coffee shops, etc. As soon as my kingager goes off to school I will use my home to entertain again. I'm tired of picking up after kiddo and telling him to do it.
I would call us close friends. I think she would too. I knew a lot of her history and am learning more about her.
I don't know if it will be a life long friendship, yet there is no indication it won't be, but there are no guarantees with any of my relationships, except family. And, she has helped me to love them dearly no matter what.
I still standby there is nothing unethical about post therapy friendships.
All the Governing Boards of all US licensed therapist removed the two year wait is necessary. Even with the two year wait it was not taboo. Please explain this to me. There are state laws against it. For me, when It comes to ethics I think of morality, and I am very conservative when it comes to morality.
I have NOT judged anyone on the forum. That stings a little coming from you, Amelia. It is a fact that many therapist think like you and others on the forum that post friendships are damaging, unethical, etc. Read old threads. I suspect it's information given to clients by therapist, and therapist learn it in school. But, is it correct? I used the word: grapple, which means come to terms with. Meaning, "I am trying to understand this thinking." This is NOT judging anyone. I respect the right of decent for each individual. I never said this is for everyone.
All anyone has is antidotal stories concerning these relationships, nothing else. Sorry about your therapist friend, and her former client. But, it sounds like she was not attuned to this client if they successfully terminated therapy. The out come could have been the same, even if he was in therapy. Bad thinks happen even when it's not therapy related.
The other stuff about other clients being friends etc, smacks of seventh grade girl and kindergarten stuff or sibling rivalry. Life is not meant to be FAIR. I use to tell my kid all the time. What I failed to do was acknowledge his feelings. Thanks to therapy I have apologized to him. If clients are still thinking like this when they and the therapist decide they have successfully completed therapy then they need to sue him/her and get all their money back! To me therapy was about maturity, learning how to deal with hurts, and to not let them knock me over. I also had to learn how to deal with the good too, but that's a different story.
I don't disagree that these relationships can go wrong. They can also GO right. You state that there are hundreds of thousands of these post therapy relationships that have gone wrong. I have not seen any studies. Please share with us what you have found that are not antidotal.
I am not telling anyone to pursue or not pursue a relationship when therapy is over with their therapist. It's their decision to make, not mine. I rarely give advice. In fact I may have given a handful of advice in all my postings on this forum.
Change in systems only happen when there are exceptions to the Rule.
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You are right, I was a little judgmental - and I didn't even mean to be. I think just as my words can sometimes be perceived in different ways, I guess I took your statement: "I wish people would realize that..." as something that suggested the common view on post-therapy friendships is wrong. But then again, I can definitely see how I have reacted to this statement and took it in a different way than you may have meant it.
You are right - I never conducted any studies on this, but I have talked to people about this who have.
So it seems there are different views on this. Whereas your view is that post-therapy friendship is fine and 'no big deal', there are others - mostly professionals - who have the complete opposite view.
I am friends with people who go to therapy and I have a friend who is a therapist (never been in therapy with her). And I can see the points of both camps here. The therapist friend is convinced (as is my own therapist) that post-therapy friendships are very complicated and hardly every work. Neither of them have real friendships with ex-clients and are not open to that (any more)
Some people I know however, who are clients, would love to be friends with their therapists and I can see how they are struggling to define what it really is they want.
My very personal view would agree with the notion that post-therapy friendships are complicated and more times than not "a big deal".
In the book "Handbook of Professional Ethics for Psychologists"
it says: "Although not specifically prohibited, psychologists are urged to avoid posttherapy relationships that could create a risk for harm -
a possibility not easily or accurately predictable."
It goes on that posttherapy relationships are possible, but that it is not without risks.
So I know this topic has been researched and talked about a lot and if I believe my therapist, the majority of therapists are not open to posttherapy relationships for many good reasons.
But that is not to say that I wasn't wrong in the way I worded my response to you. I can see that. And I am sorry!