Have you seen a therapist about this? That might be a good place to start. They may be able to help you work through the "holding on" bits. It sounds like you have forgiven her decision and are willing to look past it - this is a positive step. But if you're still ruminating over the act, that's not something she can help you with; you need to do that yourself. Trust me...rumination is not something that goes away easily on its own. Sometimes you need some help with it.