drugs of choice:
alcohol
talwin
oxycontin
percocet
flexoril
marijuana
cocaine
xanax
vicodin

i started using alcohol at 16 when my parents divorced, up until then i was a model student, despite the physical,verbal and emotional abuse. as a child growing up neither of my parents ever kissed or hugged me, but if i did anything wrong ..boy did i ever get it! part of this may have laid the groundwork for the severe BPD that i suffer from today. as i got older i started to experiment with marijuana and i liked the high. as a kid i always cared about making my parents happy regardless of the abuse, as i started using i didn't give a f*** anymore about making them happy, it became about me, making myself happy, experiencing life and exploring what was out there. i never knew i was going to get addicted to anything (that kind of ***** happens to other people, not me, right!) i broke away at 18 and got my own place and never looked back..i loved to party and being free and the girls i met introduced me to the different types of pills and cocaine, it's a different lifestyle that once you get into it it's very hard to get out of. the all night partying, the girls, the sex ,the drugs. it's a lot of fun till you wake up one day and realize you have a problem and everything is falling apart around you. i got my first dui in 2004 in michigan they had just dropped the legal limit to .08
i blew a .27, more than 3 times the legal limit. when the state trooper stopped me and asked me to get out the car, i got out and fell down ( i thought aw *****, i'm going to jail) he probably saved my life that night by stopping me, but i hadn't learned my lesson yet, when you're an addict you really have to hit bottom hard to stop. 2 dui's later still couldn't quit with 3 on the books. started using other drugs harder and still drinking. once you realize you're hooked some days you want to quit other you just don't give a d*mn, you just want to get high. anything and everything can give you and excuse. it's friday. my girl pissed me off. it's the super bowl , i wanna get laid, whatever it;s still all excuses and you know it but you tell yourself it's ok, i'll try to quit again tomorrow, it's like a never ending cycle you can' get out of. some days i wish i never started this *****, others i look back at all the fun i had and crazy ***** i've done. there is never a dull moment being an addict that's for sure, one thing i can say is we do live life to the fullest, but it seems we can never really be happy. i think at the end of the day that's all any of us have ever really wanted was to be happy & that's why we started this ***** in the first place. the first time i tried addivan i was drinking and fighting with a girlfriend(verbally, i would never hit a woman) i took off in a rage, black out while driving and wrecked my car on some train tracks. being an addict is dangerous business, more than one time i almost died. for someone who's never used i would say, don't do it. for those of us that already do,it's never too late and don't give up hope, our time will come. when you're ready you'll know it and you'll quit. no one can make that decision for you not the courts, not your family, not your gf/bf husband or wife..it has to be you. being an addict is a hard life, whatever your drug of choice dominates your thoughts.
at times it takes over, i wouldn't wish it on anyone, but i have no regrets over anything i've done.if i could do it all over would i have never done it? no i can't say that, but that's just me i'm just trying2survive hope this helps!