It sounds like you are going through a tough time but it also sounds like you are thinking very clearly and pragmatically. You cannot make a relationship work on your on and I would venture that your husband has some emotionally issues that need to be addressed before you can resolve the issues in your marriage.

I am imagining your home to comfortable if somewhat disorganized and he is seems to be asking for an excessive level of houskeeping. My question is why ? As long as there are clean clothes to wear, clean dishes to cook on and eat from, and an acceptable level of sanitation why is the housework such an issue for him? Does this represent something else entirely to him that he had never bothered to explain to you ?