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Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
I'm trying to think why she would do that and I keep coming up blank. The whole "emotional equivalent of waxing my vagina" comment sounds like something a comedian might say. Or maybe a friend after a couple of drinks. It's not that comment itself is so out there but that it strikes me as totally inappropriate for therapy. But trying to guess what someone calls you in bed just crosses every kind of line for me.
I think it's okay for a therapist to ask about sex but there needs to be a reason for it. And I think that reason should be immediately apparent and relevant to what you've been talking about. It doesn't sound like her reasons were totally clear to you.
Is she trying to provoke you? Is she trying to be all down with how the kidz are talking these days and bridging the generation gap? Is she just wacky and lacking a filter between her brain and her mouth? It would make me uncomfortable.
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The bit of your post I've bolded - yes that's exactly it. It's the kind of wisecrack my friends would make. We are very open and explicit, but I don't want my therapy to be like that. I want my therapy environment to model something more balanced. As for being down with the kidz - she's only in her thirties, still a young 'un herself
And I'm 29, so hardly a teenager.
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Originally Posted by hankster
Like i would flirt up one side and down the other with my t, but if he made a crack, i would get all freaked out and think hes coming on to me. You say its not really pleasant for you even when you initiate it, that you dissociate etc. I was pretty compulsive about it myself. I grew up with my mom not around much and listening to my dad tell stories that were not appropriate for a little girl's ears. Kind of a non touching CSA. So i just told my t when he freaked me out. I would say, see a part of me thinks youre really flirting with me - its okay if i do it, but not if you do it! If your t doesnt understand that, then yeah youve got a problem.
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Yes. I understand the non touching abusive stuff. To her absolute credit, my therapist was the person who validated me, and taught me that just because there's no touching doesn't mean what's going on is appropriate. I'm so sorry you went through this, Hankster.
I definitely do not flirt, however. Because I do move in very alternative circles, and have been questioning some of that, I am always very careful to not make anyone uncomfortable by making sexual references all the time. I don't ram my sexuality down anyone's throat. She definitely doesn't flirt, either - whatever it is she does when she says these startling things, it ain't flirting.
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Originally Posted by brillskep
Nope, I don't think this is the norm in a therapy session ... I'm quite speechless right now, really. It sounds like intimate talk imposed on you somehow and, whatever her original intention, it's clearly not helping you. Would you consider telling your therapist you feel uncomfortable when she talks like that?
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Yes, that's what it does feel like, when it happens. Intimate talk being imposed, and while that was ok at the time, I'm suspicious now because everything is wrong.