Hi purple. I spent the first year and a half with my T thinking we were just "wasting time" I know now that every minute spent with T is a valuable one.

Just like you said, Mouse-- unconsciously you were gaining trust for T during the year you spent just talking about other stuff.

Even though I *know* every moment counts I still don't feel that way a lot of the time. Often I wonder, what I am doing here or another favorite one is, I'm so messed up, what is even the point of this, it's not going to help. It's totally normal what you are thinking.

Do you keep a journal? I started keeping one at the beginning of T when I thought I was wasting time. Now, a year and half later, when I'm still "wasting time" I take a look back at what I wrote during the first couple months of T. I had written a lot of stuff that I wished I could tell him, but had firmly decided that I'd *never* be able to. A year or so later, I have told him almost all of those things. Journaling is a great way to keep track of even the most sublte of progress in T.