This was such an interesting story, i hope you dont mind, i shared it with my t this morning. Unfortunately he slways agrees with me so its kinda hard to figure what he really thinks. But he almost came out of his chair when he heard about your little side trip. Like you were setting her up for a no-win situation. Imo, you feel guilty and cant sleep because of something you yourself did, not over what somebody else did. Some therapy might help - do you push peoples buttons to push them away from you? Eta - this is something i noticed in myself recently.