You are not defective!!! I just went through a 6-week depression where I got nothing done-- no journals, no schoolwork, no nothing. All I did in therapy for six weeks was sit there and talk about my depressive symptoms. There was a lot of silence, too. You are just going through something really hard. We all do. But what's important is that you obviously care enough to come here and attempt to sort out your thoughts by writing, and seek out what others think. A "defective" person wouldn't even do that much!!! There is no such thing as getting therapy "right." All you have to do is go. You can talk, cry, get angry, just sit there.... It's okay.