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Old Apr 02, 2014, 04:55 PM
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Aloneandafraid Aloneandafraid is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 1,103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful View Post
I'm happy to say I somewhat got my point across...but not nearly as much as I would have liked to. My T now knows our work needs to change and that I have mostly "outgrown" our previous work together.
I also asked her for extra help. She was irritated with me because I waited so long to ask and said "relationships require work on both ends" and said I was not doing my homework. I had homework? I was not really aware...Anyway I could now at least come twice a week and if we actually start getting somewhere, I could come more than twice if needed.

So I asked her how I could overcome the intense fear of opening up and bringing up everything I need to talk about, whatever it may be. I tend to pick and choose what to talk about and I always choose the easiest topics and avoid the harder ones until I can't stand it anymore. It's a vicious and painful cycle. I think it is because some of these conversations involve reflecting on our relationship and how it extends into my life. She told me to start writing down thoughts between sessions, but not to write in detail? I'm supposed to make bullet points or paragraphs that don't necessarily make sense. I guess the point is to have the initial thought/anxiety written down so we could dive into the details together, instead of allowing myself to over think things. She also reminded me that my time with her is safe and that I need to set boundaries for my fear and not let it walk through the door with me once I'm there. I could see how this might work but I'm still experiencing major anxiety over bringing things up.

I wasn't able to mention that I would like her to sit closer to me again, like she did the first few months of therapy. We have shared many hugs, but not for a while and I'm afraid to ask for that to happen again, at least temporarily, while times are this hard. The fear mostly comes from not knowing how to bring that up. Any suggestions? She has never told me "no" before in the year I've known her and I always anticipate hearing it for the first time. I just don't know how to approach this.

I would also appreciate any advice on how to bring up really tough topics and overcoming the anxiety behind it. I am not like others who say "I need to talk about [x]" and proceed to the conversation. I really want to get the most out of therapy so any help will be so appreciated.
I'm currently unemployed and refraining from applying/sending in resumes because I do not feel I could be a good employee right now due to how depressed I am. This is why it is important for me to make the most out of my sessions in the next few weeks.

Thanks.
Thank you soo much for your update. I thought about you today during my session (which was hard) but I brought up the 50 minute luxury comment and she clarified so that was positive. I like you couldn't find the words to ask for a hug. I will write more tomorrow. I have had a really upsetting eve and only just logged on. Want to read all of your thread. Well done HH. Big hugs. Xx