I am 39.

I have lost my job, my home, all my friends and my psychological wellness.

I experience psychosis when I think too much as the pressure of dealing with it just tips me over the edge.

Alison - Thank you. I do think a bad reputation is very hard to shake off. Plus I struggle to not compensate for all the insecurity, which makes me seem no different at times. And people take everything I say in a negative way and believe there is something nasty meant behind it. I actually don't feel that way about people but they think I do. This sends my brain into overdrive and I find myself saying really stupid things or jabbering more and more, which makes me sound worse.

I know I shouldn't be this messed up at my age and I had made massive improvements. The thing with this person was a journey down bad roads to come out a better person and I knew that at the time and was abusive to me in the process. But that progress is all gone and I am just a mess now.

I am not saying I don't deserve to be this destroyed as I behaved really badly and hurt people. But in this state I haven't got it in me to re-enter society

ALL of your words of encouragement are amazing but they don't transfer into a world as cruel as this one imo

Thank you xxxxxx