Drugs of choice in order of preference:
Alcohol
Vicodin
Cocaine
Xanax

I have suffered from severe anxiety and intense emotions for long before I had my diagnoses, during this time I turned to alcohol and drugs to try and get my emotions under check. I thought I'd be more normal that way, but I'd only end up exasperating my symptoms. To be honest I still do this. It just hurts so much sometimes I can't imagine a life completely sober, it's too scary. My emotions are too intense. I am a child of addicts and I don't know where if I'd be in the same place if I didn't have mental illness.
I guess I'll never know. But I am proud of where I am. I have kicked my vicodin addiction and haven't touched the stuff in years. I haven't done coke since before I lost my best friend, we always did it together. It wouldn't seem right now, her drug addiction is what led to her murder.