I had my extra appt with my T and I wasn't as shut down with him and he knew that I was really struggling and he said that he was going to email me over the weekend to see how I was doing not to check up on me but more to let me know that I am not alone. I thought that was really nice and it almost made me cry. He also said that he was going to be out and about tomorrow and if needed he could see me at his office if I was still really struggling. If not then he would see me on Monday for sure. I just can't believe how much he has/is coming through for me during this really hard time. It is probably one of my darkest times in the last year or so and there have been some really bad times.

Anyway, I truly am lucky but still very scared at the same time and he knows it. I don't think that I am shutting down on him as much although still some and he says he knows I am and is okay with it.

Thanks Talulah for pointing out that I am probably not shutting down completely and you are right. I had a triggering event last weekend and I think it was my way of dealing with it was to shut down and only now are the feelings coming out.

Anyways, thanks all for your support