Quote:
Originally Posted by So hopeful
Thank you all very much – your responses are helping me feel better.
FKM – your story is very encouraging. I could see my therapist being wise - not actually withdrawn - in that way. Were you aware of his method at the time, or did you also initially experience his not reaching out as actively as a perplexing withdrawal? Did you discuss what you felt with him at the time?
[.....]
What all of your responses show me is that I don't think I'm ready to be the one to reach more. That's quite revealing. And will be interesting to talk about next week.
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I didn't notice him responding differently at first. What I noticed was my own feelings of sinking, sadness, hopelessness, and withdrawal, but I didn't know where they came from. I think if my T had jumped in, we may not have discovered the origin. When I could articulate those feelings, it led to recognizing a transferential abandonment. My T responded to the original sense of abandonment, rather than the current depression. So it may not be a need for you to reach toward him, but to reach into yourself to articulate your feelings and then explore what the origins may be.
ETA: In that discussion, you both may see ways his action/reaction contributed, or not.