I broke my silence with the siciopath "best friend / online lover of 10 years " ....because I thought he had removed me from his friends list on psn ( something I have been working towards doing myself ) ... I could feel the old feelings of panic and sadness and then anger that he still controls my feelings. I messaged him to ask if he had done it. He said "no" .... no further communication from him after that but ...

He's now of my friends list regardless of how it happened 😊

If I can just reach the state of no longer having feelings I will finally be free.

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