Are you certain that your wanting to do the hard work isn't a defense against feeling the fear and sadness? Perhaps what you're reading as a weakness in her is her attempt to break a defense.

Maybe a conversation you need to have with her is about why you feel a need to do this emotional work at this time in your life. What are you trying to achieve? What benefit does it give to you?

I've never faced any particular threat to my life, but I have lost friends very close to me. My experience of my feelings and theirs as they articulated them at those times was that the past and its issues simply held no emotional importance anymore. What was important was the present moment, as created in the present. And from that, they seemed to derive a peace. And I think I did as well.