I swear it makes me feel more hopeless. Like I got a taste and now its right back in the hole. My sleep is even worse than it was, which was not that great. I can't wait to get into the doctor, but I find it hard to even be hopeful right now. Sometimes I feel like there is something about me that wants this misery? Like it's an excuse for why my life hasn't turned out as well as I want it?

Depression/mixed episode talking? I just don't know. I'm at the end of my string and hanging on for what???