So recently, through marriage counselling and a little self exploration, I have started to see things differently. And now I am ultimately confused. I have been married for 10 years and have always felt like I was this lazy piece of crap. I am NOT good at keeping the house neat and orderly. I fully admit that. I am messy and disorganized. I am working on that though. I don't think I will ever be a neat freak. My husband basically has told me that he is miserable because I am so inconsiderate. He equates living with me to living with a messy college roommate. He says that for 10+ years I have never cared about what he wants, and that I am selfish and inconsiderate and that i am passing those awful traits onto our children. I have always believed him, and have spent all our time together trying to change. Trying to be organized. Buying organizers and baskets so that I have places to put things. I've even been to therapy. I work full time, I have a side business, and I go to grad school. We have 2 children ages 6 and 3. I am wishing to quit my full time job to make my side business my career, but it's been hard to give my side business the right amount of attention with everything else in my life.

Anyway, I have recently begun to wonder if I am all wrong. Maybe I am not exactly who my husband paints me out to be. I am starting to get confused between what I am hoping and what is true. I wonder if I am the inconsiderate housemate my husband says I am. Before we had kids, when we both worked full time and had an apartment with a couple of cats, I was still not very neat and organized. I was messy even when i had the time at hand to be less messy. I have always worked though, I was never a stay at home anything. And I have always had another side job which have changed along the way. I fully admit that I was pampered as a child and I started our life together acting very much the same way I acted at home. My husband would have you believe that this is the root of it all. That my messy, inconsiderate habits have never changed. I would contest that. I work. He works. I value down time. I will not deny that. I like to sit around in the evenings watching TV or playing on my phone. But I often do that while folding laundry or reading for my class. If I am honest with myself, I never seem to give 100% of myself to anything I do. I half-*** everything so to speak. I coast through my job and school doing the minimum requirements. So this is why I am confused about who I am. What I deserve. If I can repair this relationship. I don't know what I am looking for here. I am just trying to figure out if I have a leg to stand on arguing for more respect, or if my husband is right and I need massive amounts of work on myself to change. Blah. what do you all think? Thanks in advance.