DE'nile.

I was re-diagnosed BP after I took the first antidepressant and spent the next decade and a half in and out of hospitals. Then after I got the help from my then PCP I quit the antidepressants and after a about a year I was doing better than I had ever been in years. So I refused to belive I was BP. c-PTSD yes, MDD yes, but no I'm NOT BP!

Things have been going badly recently and I took the mood tracker quiz to see how bad the depression was, IT said I'm manic! How can I be manic if I'm depressed????? I'm not sleeping true, but thats a symptom of depression too right? And yes I'm irritated very easily, but come on thats not cause for that quiz to rate my mania score so high, whats going on. Yes my T kept telling me I was still BP but I thought that was because she believed any one who had mania from a medication was automatically BP. Now I'm starting to wonder if she meant BPII?? Maybe those times I felt great really were hypomania? But I thought I was doing great then. I was functional!!!

So I took the bipolar quiz, that said I most likely had BP but whether it was BP I or BP II was unclear. I feel defeated. I don not want to be BP it somehow is too much, it as if it is not longer the medicines fault for all those hospitalizations but mine.

I do not want this.
NO I do not want this.
I do not want this in a chart.
I do not want this in a bowl.
I do not want this wrapped up nice in a bow.
No I do not want this at all.