Hi Canders,
I know you cannot help how you feel and that you didn't choose to feel this way. It's not just something you're making up and if you feel sad than you have the right to say you feel sad and it's nobody's right to say that you should be feeling differently.
((((((((Canders)))))))))))
Your true friends will stick by you and try to understand. If you're sorry, they'll be a little confused but if you try to explain how you feel and why than I think a good friend will see past the lies and see you.
I hope this happens for you and that this friend does exist so you're not left alone when you need someone to stand by you the most.