Hi LifeIsCruel, I'd say that you're selling yourself so short by focusing more so on the type of self esteem that is so interlinked with someone/something. You are worth way more than that!!
If it's that interlinked then you're always going to be in a vulnerable position of someone/some people saying/doing something, losing x,y or z and your self esteem falling back to............
Now, I'd say that what you should be feeling good about in yourself runs a lot deeper than "surface" things.
Put it this way, someone who's homeless, has seriously mental health issues, uses drugs.........can still be a way better person (more honest, genuine, sincere, compassionate, insightful, inspiring.......) than someone else who just happens to have a good house, car, job, family, appearance, holidays in the sun, all that...........It all depends on the individual and who they are inside.
So maybe just be careful in how you put a value on yourself?
Sure your self esteem may still be knocked at times if "someone/some people say/do something, you lose x,y or z" but you're going to gradually see that you're still left with a whole lot more.
And I know there's a whole lot more to you than what you're maybe striving for, it's already there!! There are already plenty of things that you can feel good about yourself, you don't have to change those things at all/you don't have to question those things at all. It's what's inside you that counts!! And it's you seeing those things that matters!!
Alison