* TRIGGERING TALK ABOUT THE ABUSE
Caution Triggering talk of the abuse !
*
*
* TRIGGERING TALK ABOUT THE ABUSE
I know this isnt going to make a bit of sense, I feel like I'm dying
I just want to write it before I lose too much time to recall
anything important,tonight my husband encouraged me to call my
mother I dont often contact her since it causes flashbacks
my mother was in the talking mood, she said that my stepfather
wanted me to attend the family fourth of july get together since her
husband wouldnt go unless I was there ?????????she started talking
about the abuse things that must of happened to someone else!!!!! I
guess the things that upset me the most was the knowledge of such
situations, her denial of participation she brought it home, she
talked about people hurting me and I told her, there's no
recollection! what kind of parent sits back and leaves children for
days at a time to fend themselves from perpatrators and doesn't even
attempt to protect ! I made her life so miserable! I dont think any
of us asked to be hurt, I remember severe beatings that now she so
easily dismisses I'm so upset right now and I dont understand these
flashback feelings except they hurt allot ,we were only two when the
s*xual abuse started so how could I have opened the door when I
probably couldn't reach the handle . Then she said that I was my
stepfathers favorite he really hated me!!!!! and as for the other
stepfather she said I told her that he peed in my mouth !!! I dont
remember just that she was looking into the mirror and she turned to
me and said thats discusting and my twin repeated those words to
me!! I wonder now just how much of this was our fault if we asked
for it in some way then I guess we deserved it somehow she was
telling me how phycologically somehow I'm crazy cause I told her she
was abusive and I must have imagined it ......Now all though Its
hard to imagine the real emotion's that are atached to this,maybe I
am crazy If I am I must be an extremly rotten daughter and no wonder
she doesnt love us! I can't get my head to think straight it hurts I
dont understand .. Lori