There seems to be no POSITIVE meaning in my life, as I have struggled but can never find anything to do that makes a difference. People say to do whatever little thing you can, but I see that people get wrapped up in meaningless little missions that are too little too late. I'm talking about in the area that I care about. It's nothing to do with people, but rather conservation of parts of the world for their own sake, not for what people can get out of it directly to benefit themselves. I guess it's a small minority view of meaning. Even the best and most creative and clever conservation efforts seem to me such a drop in the bucket against the mainstream machine that is human "civilization."

I'm willing to help people often, but that's just because I'm a moderately decent person. I'm not just a taker. And helping people is not my purpose in life, because overall as a species we are takers. I don't like it, and I don't encourage it. I don't mean to be judgmental, but I can't help feeling that most of human endeavors are utterly pointless at best and many are destructive to everything I value. In short, there is no real place in the world for me. Sure, I am not paying rent on a trash heap like the Cambodian family in this story Where Children Sleep photographs from around the world | Mail Online but there is no real meaningful place for me, even though I have it relatively easy in a material sense.