So I know there was some issue about not being able to get your meds at one point....are you on everything right now and if so for how long?

That is number one to me because the drugs when they are increasing or decreasing can make you think things that you would never do when stable.

Think about the things that you want in your life not the things you can't change. Is there any place you would like to visit?..things you would like to do?...people you want to see again? Make a list of those things and put it somewhere you can look at it everyday. Then when you feel better and eventually you will start working toward those things that motivated you...