Last sessions I was totally out of mind and my behaviour was crazy, week ago I almost killed myself in front of my therapist and texted him sick messages, called him at night and yeah of course it's really hard for me not to touch him.
Today I took 3 mg of Xanax (it's overdose) and drank two bottles of cider. I did it just to be normal and control myself. I was talking like I were sober and felt calm and okay. I was honest and told him what I did.
My t told me never see him when I'm not sober. But I did it just to control myself and be good to him.
Now I really don't know what to do to not to do things I mustn't do at therapy.
He said maybe if it's so hard me we should meet rarely but I want to get through this as fast as I can and my emotions just won't disappear if I saw him once two weeks.

Have you ever had problems with self-control at therapy? How did you get it through?