I just joined this site because I struggle with anxiety (and depression) also. I have dealt with these conditions most of my life even though I wasn't always aware of it. I can identify with a lot of what you shared - shame, guilt, wanting to cry and curl up into a ball, the mask, the panic attacks. What has made all the difference for me, as hard as it can be, is to develop a strong relationship with a mental health professional (for me a psychotherapist), have a strong support network (people who accept you for who you are) and strategies for coping (meditation, yoga, exercise, dance, etc.)

I wish you the best. May you find peace.