See, I wouldn't with my friends. We are very open and blunt, I suppose. We talk about everything sexual.

But I was suspicious of it in the therapy room, because I'm not like that there. I guess my therapist knew that I was falling for her and was trying to show me it wouldn't end in disaster if I said it to her.

I think possibly I was so unconsciously being scrupulous about not wanting to make sexual references (apart from specific things from my past) in case it forced me to look at burgeoning transference. I thought if I kept everything sanitized and sterile I could control it. So I was annoyed at my therapist for ruining my plan by making these throwaway remarks.

It does feel easier now to not have to police any feelings that might come up. It's like coming out as queer again