That seems frustrating and I feel for ya'.

I think that the death of someone that we care about is sometimes more difficult for the person it that relationship that does not die but is left alone, without their friend.
And it seems to me that your T does care a lot for you.

So if you want some hard hitting psychotherapy perhaps you could find a second T that doesn't really care much for you as a person and simply enjoys figuring out philosophical conundrums?
Perhaps a student with and MA in Philosophy or Theology who's needs some subject-matter for a thesis paper?
Someone like that should be dedicated enough to the science/art to give your issues serious consideration without any of the entangling, emotional baggage that you seem to want to avoid?
GL