Jax, You say you do "workbooks, logs, journals and exercising". Do you see a therapist? Are you on any meds?

I had a really bad anger/rage issue after my last divorce. A family doc put me on Klonopin and it really helped. I should have been referred to a pdoc, but wasn't.

I don't know you but I know that anger and rage can be eventually overcome. I used to see things like you mentioned, "in black and white", because my father was like that. NO colors existed in my world. Through much therapy, friends and meds, I can finally see the colors!!

Don't give up. There are many people who know you and care about you!!