Kindergirl, Except that I'm a bit younger than you and my marriage did not survive, what you have written pretty much sums up my experience too. By 18, I had lived through more trauma than most people have in a lifetime. I also wanted to know if I could just put it all behind me, put a lid on it as you said. In my experience, that has not helped me. In recovery, I could no longer put it away because I was "putting it away" with very unhealthy behaviors. I tried hard to forget and numb my feelings, but that shut me off from the world and those who love me. Now, I work to accept my feelings and memories, learn from them, and then move on with the wisdom and peace that I work to create for myself. I can't tell you that it's been easy. It has not been. But I can tell you that when I hug my kids goodnight, it has been worth it.

Be well,

mtd