Thanks, everyone. Your responses are very supportive and give me a lot to think about.

It’s good advice to keep trying to talk to him about it, and to keep talking until I feel some resolution. I do so much ruminating about my sessions that I don't always trust my gut anymore. The best way through that confusion is to talk and listen.

I think I’m pretty open and frank in my sessions, but not so much where talking about him/us is concerned. I’m afraid I’ll bother him or disturb the dynamic, which I value so highly. I know there are historical things worth looking at there. We touch on not trusting that love or care will be reliable, for example, in other contexts, but not really where they concern the working relationship.

I felt I started off down the right road at this week’s session, bringing up my sense that his attitude had changed towards me, but it went spinning off into a somewhat shallow discussion about clients having a natural curiosity about their therapists, which I thought missed the point and also didn’t really need saying. I took a few more stabs but felt very dispirited and switched the subject.

The reasonable part of my brain recognizes that so far he’s been nothing but caring, professional, reliable, and unflappable, so while he might well be contributing to the distance I’m sensing, I can see how some of my bad feeling (‘sinking’ is perfect) might also be coming from within myself.

I’m very attached to my therapist. I also have a history of leaving things I care deeply about. To enter the subject more deeply with him could certainly improve the work, not damage it, so perhaps I’m the one pulling away, preferring not to risk any further attachment, on the principle that the more attached you are the greater the pain of the ‘certain’ loss.

Ouch. Definitely food for thought. I’ll try to stay with this uncomfortable topic instead of running away. Thanks!