Hi Sky BlueBlack,

I think the advice given here by Frankbtl and shabur and others is wonderful. You sound like you have a clear head and can think things through. About seeing life as a book... sometimes I think about how if I spent the next half my lifetime living a good life, how old will I be, or how could I learn to live a good life now after living many years in bad times? It sounds like you're doing what's best for yourself right, such as going to therapy. That's empowerment.

About the way I was feeling similar to you, it's a pretty different situation. I was taking care of a family member I loved that died. I lost a lot of respect for myself for that happening, and missed them. Because I let myself slip, I don't try to make friends and everyone I know always has friends. People notice this and have started treating me badly for it, and some openly avoid me with no regret. I can understand them avoiding me, though. I probably wouldn't make the best type of friend right now. So, sometimes just going out and dealing with people seems to make me feel a bit better, even if they don't like me. It's hard to accept yourself when others don't like you, but it's an important lesson I haven't learned completely yet. However, it sounds like a lot of people are very harsh to you.